Monday, May 8, 2017

2012-2017 5 years in summary

Hello 2017,

I am finally writing here again after 5 years?!!
I'm going to summarize my 5years. So bare with me.  

So 2012, turns out to be a great year, I went to Mecca and Medina with my husband, found out I was pregnant, quit my Offshore life and start working at WesternGeco in Kuala Lumpur.Still a Geophysicist but office-based. Before giving birth in December, part of my training programme with the new company is to go for a 8weeks training in Cairo,Egypt. My tummy is already showing, a bit risky to travel with first pregnancy, not to mention I will be missing the checkups, I put aside my worries and Just Do It!!
I did enjoyed myself in Egypt. I passed all the exams. 
By December 2012, I gave birth to a beautiful and healthy baby girl.I name her Medina because there is a high possibility she is conceived in Medina,Saudi Arabia 😅

2013, Adapting to being a new mother. Sadly, after my maternity leave, I have to attend another training, this time in Schlumberger Training Center in Abu Dhabi for 10weeks.Imagine leaving my baby, she is barely 3months. But this is some of the sacrifices I have to do for our future. 
Don't judge me 😅
I made some good friends there along the way, UAE is okay. Not my first time in Dubai but first time in Abu Dhabi. Quite good, feels like in a University/Hostel.The only difference, all the students is provided a private single room, with hotel-like quality, laundry provided etc. I'm not complaining. It's very comfortable 😊

2014. Early of the year started with a BAM!!! Because I have more trainings, but this time in London. January and March. The training in January is 2 weeks, but I requested my flight home 1week later after the training so that I can solo-travel around Italy. It was breathtaking and wonderful of course!! I will blog about my travels separately.
While in London, I have the opportunity to watch the Lion King musical with some of my training mates.  I did quite a lot of traveling in 2014 I would say. 

Travel 2014 
June 2014-Bali with husband and Medina, wonderful
October 2014- Sydney with my best friend Dima, mainly to watch "Wicked" the musical, it was awesome, in my opinion better than Lion King in London. I cried. 
December 2014-Langkawi with Husband and Medina

Also quite a good year in my career even though it is very stressful.My tasks mainly is project-based, the more experience you are, the higher expectations they have on you. There will surely be tears, coldsweat, sleepless nights and work on weekends. But the company gives quite good benefits, and good training as well. Sometimes when I'm too stressed out and feel like giving up, but my supportive husband always reminded me that not everyone is as fortunate to even have a job. Yes, I have my challenges, have to make my own sacrifices, but I have to learn to be more contented. A reminder to myself.

2015. By end of 2014, the oil industry starts to suffer due to the falling price of Oil/barrel. 
I can see many good friends in my office being let go due to redundancy and less projects. 
I'm starting to get really stressed out if I lose my job. I was really worried. What will happened to my daughter, I have quite big monthly commitments, how am I going to pay, will I become a bankrupt??? Every single cent counts. But I have to say, I am already addicted to traveling, I have to be "penny-wise" in my everyday spendings and put some money aside for traveling, not forgetting putting aside some money as well for the "rainy days".

I am so stressed out as well when I found out I was pregnant with my second child. I am scared I cannot afford the baby, now when I look back, I regretted thinking that way. I would say that is quite one of the lowest point in my life. In Islam, with every baby comes rezeki(sustenance/blessings). 

"Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it"

When I went to the doctor to check my pregnancy at 10weeks, guess what??? They found out it was Molar Pregnancy, so I have to terminate the pregnancy. It is a very never ending miscarriage episode for me that span for almost 2 years. I will write on my Molar Pregnancy in a separate post. I promise. My Molar Pregnancy miscarriage screw up deserves its own post. 

Travel 2015
April 2015- Went to Japan with husband only, left Medina with my mother-in-law because traveling with an infant will be more costly, accommodation have to be more comfortable, in Japan, we travel sort of "backpacker's" style. Sort of.(Before finding out I was pregnant)
May 2015- Perhentian with the family. Husband and Medina, Breathtaking. Wonderful. (Before pregnant)
December 2015- Vietnam with husband only(after miscarriage to "heal" my sadness)

I have the difficult training "Turkey Shoot" to pass. If I don't, I may get fired. I was so stressed out during the 2weeks of "Turkey Shoot". Turkey shoot = Where 2D line of seismic data is given and have to process from the beginning till the very end. There is some expectations expected from the quality of the data processed by the candidates. Alhamdulillah, I passed. But I'm still quite sad because I knew I can do better. 
I am also stressed out by my Molar Pregnancy/miscarriage issue.

Travel 2016
May 2016- Sabah trip with husband and Medina, great trip, needed it!!!
November 2016- New Zealand Trip with Medina and my sister Athirah, my husband cannot make it, he has a work commitment offshore and we cannot afford to say no with the current economy situation. 

Regarding economy, for your information,  I sold one of the house I bought in Nilai Impian. Received a little profit. Long enough to sustain me a year or two if I were to let go by the company. Once the house-selling is finalized, I felt as if a big burden is being lifted. I felt more free, less worried. 

Talking about worries, My husband gets really angry when when I start to talk to him on what will happen if I lose my job because talking about it makes me worried and stressed. Then he gives me one of his long lectures on the "Law of Attraction" explaining we must always stay positive, gives positive vibes to people around us, and not to dwell on things that has not yet happened. He said when we have this positive vibes around us, we will  attract positive energy, and good things will start to happen. I choose to believe him. 

Actually I'm a very headstrong person, sometimes I fight with my husband because I don't really listen to him sometimes. I'm lucky I have a very patient husband, he can be a jerk sometimes, haha 😂 but honestly, he is a good person, loving, and he tried his best to guide me to be a good muslim. His method in guiding me is also very delicate. He did not give me some of his fancy lectures but he "Leads by example". He always go to the nearby surau(mosque) to pray, always reads the Al-Quran, and we pray together sometimes. 

We both have our weaknesses but I think we complete each other. I still think he is a jerk and a total ###h##e sometimes, because both of us are hardheaded maybe, but we learn to tolerate. I think this is what marriage did to you after 6years. Certainly not easy and really hard work, I had a major "culture shock" when I first married him because we come from two very different upbringings. His upbringing is more religious and traditional whereas my upbringing is more modern and "relaxed".Certainly needs time to adapt. I feel like giving up during the first year of my marriage because "nobody told me marriage is going to be this hard" I thought it will always be "romantic and honeymoon phase" forever. 😂

When I look at myself then, I smiled, because long gone the selfish, self-centered, self-conscious, insecure girl....I am now a confident woman, a mother to a wonderful daughter, a tolerant wife to my husband, a supportive sister to my sister, a good daughter to my parents and also a true friend to all my friends(I tried!), last and not least, I get to keep my job for the year 2016. 

Early of the year, my husband did a "bros only" backpacker's trip with 2 of his work colleagues around Eastern Europe. I envied him, we had quite a big fight regarding the issue. Of course, I wanted to go and join him, but I have work commitments, it is not easy to get a 3weeks leave from the office, not to mention money issues. It costs quite a lot. After the New Zealand trip end of 2016, I don't think we can afford with 2 of us going. So he went, another month without a husband. He came home by 21st February. I'm so glad and happy to see him. 

In 2017, is also the year my husband enrolled in a Professional Course of Advanced Diploma in Technical Analysis. Layman's terms, it is regarding Technical Analysis application in stock markets. Yup, since a career in Offshore Oil and Gas is not so reliable now, my husband have to look for other opportunities. So he took some examinations to make him qualify as a Remisier in stock markets and later on signed up on a Advanced Diploma Course. So, if any of you interested or would like to learn more on stock markets, you can get in touch with me, I can give you his contact number. 

Career-wise, I have to complete my GFE Project for my career advancement purpose. (GFE Project is sort of like a thesis/project that need to be completed in order for me to complete my training and move to next grade). There is a time limit to complete all my trainings. Time allocated is 3 years, I am now delayed almost 2 years in my training progress. I hope I can finish up my GFE by the end of this year. 

Another major thing that is going through now is that I am going through Chemotherapy treatment for my Molar Pregnancy from 2015, which now has become Persistent Trophoblastic Disease. Expected 4 cycles of Chemo, I have completed 2 cycles. Pray for me. That is why I have the time to update this blog since I am on a long medical leave. Trust me, the 5 years went by very fast, I hardly have time for myself. I hope I will have time to update my blog more often. I will make that my Mid-Year resolution yeah?! My writing skill is getting rusty now but practice makes perfect?! 

So, this is the first time I get really personal on a blog and on social media. To those who knew me, who think my life is perfect, do know that my life is far from perfect. It is not always easy, I have my own challenges as well. It is not always rainbows and butterflies all the time. A few days ago, one of my friends texted me telling me what a strong person I am, I'm not sure what I replied but I found a quote on Instagram that totally sums up how I should  respond to her 
"You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice"  

That is all from me. I promise I will update on my Molar Pregnancy/Persistent Trophoblastic Journey. I think it will be useful to those who are lost and undergoing the same thing as me.